


Would You Like What I've Become?

by Crazy_Pairing_Person



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: APPRECIATE LANCE MORE, Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, LISTEN TO HIS ADVICE, M/M, Not the cute kind, OR THIS IS WHAT WE GET, Past Relationship(s), The really sad kind, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-10-02 01:32:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10205852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_Pairing_Person/pseuds/Crazy_Pairing_Person
Summary: Pidge has hope for him. Hunk wants his friend back. Coran and Allura have given up. Shiro wishes he'd listened.But Pidge has hope. And Lance isn't sure if he wants to hug her or crush that hope. Maybe both. Maybe he just wants to shoot her and get rid of another Paladin for the Galra Empire.If only Keith was still alive. If only Shiro hadlistened.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. To reference a story I wrote in another fandom, I'm throwing Lance in the river.
> 
> Enjoy...?

Pidge listens to what she can in her cell. She thinks he's being purposefully loud. Whether to taunt her or warn her of what's approaching, she's not sure.

She wonders if he even knows.

Then it's silent. It feels like hours go by, and she waits. She squirms against the cuffs - Yeah, no. Too tight.

"My advice is appreciated here."

His voice makes her head snap up. Fear and hope intermingle. He looks at her coldly. "I suggested that they make the cuffs tighter. It prevents the  _smaller_ ones from escaping."

She's not as small as she used to be, and she resents the backhanded comment. But she swallows back her argument. "Come back to us," she says. "Lance, please, we need you." She knows that's not going to be enough. "Do you really think  _he_ would be happy with what you're doing here?"

He scoffs, shakes his head. "No. He wouldn't. But tell me this, pigeon... Can you bring him back? No? Then forget it. You should have listened to me sooner. Then he wouldn't be dead, and I wouldn't be on the side I am now."

"But I _can_ bring him back! That's why I came here today! To offer you a chance to see him again!"

She knows not to mention him by name. It makes him go a little... Trigger-happy. But just the idea of seeing Keith again brings a spark to his eye. She has him.

He steps from the cell to get the guards to undo Pidge's cuffs. He immediately grabs her arm and doesn't pay attention to her cry of pain as he yanks her from the cell. "Let's talk about this in my quarters."

This isn't the Lance she knows. The Lance who searched a fountain to get her a video game, the one who kept her out of trouble at the Garrison. The one who always smiled and joked around.

Looking back... He just wanted them to smile, didn't he? They always brushed him off... Ignored him...

No wonder he snapped as soon as Keith died. Lance had said that it was clearly an ambush... They hadn't listened...

Her eyes are drawn to the knife tied at his side. He's carrying a gun, so it's clear that the knife is there for sentimentality, rather than any actual fighting.

She nearly screams as he shoves her into another room. She falls against a table, and she lets out a whimper. He closes the door, and locks it. Then, he narrows his eyes. "Get any bright ideas about hacking the lock, and there'll be one less lion for Voltron." He holds up his gun. "The stuff your brought is on that table. I presume that you're the mastermind behind Voltron's recent victories?"

He's clearly angry. They listen to her, but not him, and she's five years younger than him. "Uh... Yeah. I made a sort of time machine. It helps to look at the enemy's strategies. If they win, we go back and do it again..."

He narrows his eyes. "And how do you plan on bringing him back?"

"Lance-"

"Do  _not_ call me that. I'm not your Lance anymore."

She goes silent. Then, she nods. "I've been upgrading them. The time machines. Before, they couldn't handle such a jump to over twenty years in the past. But now-"

He makes a dive for the bag of Pidge's things. Pidge panics. "Wait!" She latches on to it before he can open it, and he glares.

"I have a few conditions. The time machine will only go back if I put in the code."

He's getting impatient. But he puts down the gun, pretends like he doesn't care. He picks up the knife and reaches for a cloth. "What are your conditions?" he asks, polishing the blade slowly.

"First... This is a huge jump. I knew you wouldn't want to do it unless it was permanent. As soon as you make sure that he survives the ambush, this will all go away. With the other jumps, I just opened more time branches. Not this one..."

A spark in his eyes. He doesn't mind. He just cares about Keith surviving.

"And... I have to go with you."

"No."

"I have to-"

He presses the knife to her neck, his eyes are ice cold. "I could kill you right now. I'm going alone."

Pidge chokes back the tears, tries not to move. "You can't, without me... Remember? The code..."

He's silent, contemplating. She's sure he could get it out of her, then just kill her. But he doesn't even try. Just pulls away.

She thinks she sees Lance, instead of the empty husk she's grown so used to seeing.

"I have to go. To make sure that you don't try killing anyone else. I... I still know you're in there, Lance-" He reaches for his gun, threatening. She stops speaking. He watches her for a moment, then pulls his hand away from the gun.

"Anything else?"

Pidge nods, and points at the bag. "The time machine's in there, it's a small cube. You also have to wear the outfit that's in there."

He narrows his eyes, and opens the bag slowly. "...Are you  _kidding_ me?" He scoffs and pulls out the top part of his old Paladin armor.

"They won't listen to you if they see that you joined the Galra."

"They never listened anyway," he said. "At least this way they know what that will get them."

He shakes his head. "I'll take you. I'm not wearing this."

Pidge falls silent. She won't convince him to do otherwise.

She misses Lance. Misses Keith. They all do.

They're both dead, though. One literally, one metaphorically. She has to take this chance to bring them both back, if none of the others will.

"Fine," she says, her voice barely a whisper. "Hand me the cube. Hold my shoulder while I put in the code."

He hands it over. Holds his gun in one hand, grabs her shoulder in the other.

She looks at the cube. She presses the small button, and watches a screen pop up. 'INSERT OPERATION'.

She glances at him. He's looking longingly at his knife. She sighs, and puts in the code.

'OPERATION: SAVE_LANCE'.

It takes just a moment for the machine to recognize it, and they disappear together, heading back in time...


	2. Chapter 2

"Keith is sick," he says as soon as they arrive.

The market must be familiar to him. Pidge gives a nod. She remembers Lance trying to rush them as they bought the supplies, worrying that Keith would throw up all over himself.

Yeah... He was right then, too.

"You go take care of him," she says, waving him off towards the castle. "I'll go find the others and explain why we're here."

He doesn't seem like he cares about her permission. Just goes on his own, and she sighs. She hopes this will work.

* * *

Keith is coughing, gagging in his bed. He looks up when the door opens. He sees him, familiar but not, both at once. The man in the galra armor walks to his side and lifts him from his bed. He's too sick to fight back, and he lets out a groan.

He probably blacks out, because the next thing he knows he's kneeling in front of a toilet, and his hair is being held back, and he's emptying his stomach. He vaguely registers a gentle hand, rubbing his back gently.

"Shh... You're okay," the man whispers. Still so familiar, yet Keith's foggy mind still can't place it. He leans over and feels the burn of bile as he throws up again.

* * *

"It's so nice to see you again," Pidge says through her tears. Lance, the Lance she  _knows_ , awkwardly pats her head, unsure of how to respond.

"Okay, uh... Older Pidge, or whatever I should call you, d'you mind putting me down?"

Pidge realizes that in the middle of hugging the daylights of this smiling, happy Lance, she's picked him up. She gives a soft laugh and places him down. "Sorry." The others, standing near Lance, all of them except Keith, start asking questions.

"What happens to Lance?" Herself.

"Why are you here?" Hunk.

"Does Voltron succeed?" Shiro.

"Should we go get Keith before you tell us stuff?" Lance.

Keith... Right.

"Lance is... He's in the castle. Taking care of Keith," she says, stopping the questions. "He'd have thrown up all over himself if Lance didn't-"

"I  _knew_ it!" Lance screeches. He bolts, running towards the castle before she can get another word in. She wants to stop him, but maybe it's best if he hears it from himself.

Rather, what used to be himself.

They're too different. She just... Can't think of him as Lance. They're two separate entities.

She tells the younger Paladins this.

"Don't call him Lance when you see him," she says. "He's not Lance. Lance..."

They all look concerned. She sighs. "Lance died, the moment Keith died. We should have listened to him more."

* * *

"I'm here! Keith, I-"

Lance freezes. Kneeling next to his boyfriend's bed is...

It's... Himself.

No.

He'd never join the galra.

"Get away from him," he says, voice shaking.

Whoever it is, keeps his eyes on Keith. Adjusts a cold rag on the Red Paladin's forehead. "No," he says. Soft. So he doesn't wake Keith.

Lance swallows. Steps in just enough to let the door close, but he doesn't move any closer. The other man's eyes flit over briefly, looking at him, then he goes back to watching Keith.

"I don't know who you are," Lance says, "but you're not me."

"No, I'm not." He's honest. But he doesn't move. "You still have hope. Still have Keith..." Sadness. He brushes a knuckle over Keith's cheek, feather light. In his feverish sleep, Keith almost seems to lean into the touch.

Lance steps closer. "And you?"

The other takes a moment to consider his reply. "They never listened to me. Never listen to you. But then that just ended in his death... That was the last straw."

* * *

"He snapped. Keith ended up dead because Shiro ignored his advice." She's trembling, she knows. "And he snapped. L-Lotor had made him an offer and he t-took it. He joined the galra."

They're all silent, eyes wide.

"Why...?" Shiro whispers, horrified.

"I just told you," she says, a bit louder, voice strained. "Ignoring his advice just ended with Keith's death. The galra listen to what he says and that's enough for him, since Keith is gone."

She sees her younger self holding back tears. Sees Hunk not even  _trying_ to hold his back. Sees Shiro trying to work it out, even though she's just explained it twice. Allura and Coran look solemn, as if they feel like they should have seen it coming.

_'The Blue Paladin is the most important part. The heart of Voltron. The Blue Paladin must be appreciated as they lift up the team to the best of their ability... Without the heart pumping life into the team, all hope is lost. If the heart loses hope, so do the others.'_

She remembers Allura saying that after Lance left them. Remembers her having the same expression.

"I brought him here to save Keith,"she says, voice no longer as strained. "He only cares about Keith. It's the last thing that brings life to his eyes. Once Keith survives..."

* * *

"I just want him to live," he says. Lance nods a little. He kneels down next to the other, looking at Keith now.

"When Keith lives, you won't have to worry about becoming me."

Lance looks at the other. His eyes were glossed over, staring into space. Lance guesses that he did some things that he wasn't exactly proud of. But he did it because he was  _appreciated_ when he did it. There probably weren't as many criticisms as there were now. He probably wasn't as ignored...

"I almost wish I'd put on the Paladin outfit that Pidge brought," he murmurs, shaking Lance from his thoughts. "If only so Keith wouldn't have to see me like this..."

Lance nods. "Yeah." He doesn't know what else to say, but the other doesn't mind. He stands, so Lance does as well. "They're probably coming back now. Let's go wait for them in the entry way."

Lance follows him out of the room. Glances briefly at the sleeping Keith just before the door closes... Then follows the other. The silence that follows is tense, awkward, terrifying. Anything but comfortable.

Lance doesn't want to become him.

And he knows.


	3. Chapter 3

Pidge feels like she should have known that it would be awkward. She should have known that everyone would be avoiding looking at both Lance and... And his future self. And, on some level, she knows she did. But... Well, she didn't think it would be so  _suffocating_. She feels like she could choke on the silence.

"I'm going to find a room to sleep in," the  _other_ Lance announces. His voice is flat, but commanding. No one tries to stop him as he just walks away. Lance watches, eyes glossed over. Then, he stares at the floor, silent.

Pidge wants to say something, anything to comfort him. But nothing comes to mind. She looks at everyone else, but finds that they're all avoiding looking at Lance. She feels sick.

"I'm going to go check on Keith," Shiro says, finally. He goes, brushing right past Lance as if he hadn't even been there. Pidge feels as if she can see the exact moment his heart breaks. She swallows down the cry, the pleas she wants to shout at Shiro, at  _everyone_ for them to just understand that their Lance has not yet broken down to the point that hers has. Their Lance still has a chance.

But it wouldn't matter. She's screamed those same things back in her own time, over and over, begging them all to just believe that they can bring Lance back. They never listened...

She looks down at her younger self, though, and her younger self looks back. They share a short nod, and Pidge sees a steely determination in her gaze. If nothing else, she supposes she can count on herself.

* * *

"I had a dream you joined the galra," Keith says tiredly to Lance. He freezes, staring at Keith for a moment, then goes back to adjusting the rag on Keith's forehead. He's contemplating how to reply when Keith speaks again, still half-asleep, "I still loved you... I'll still love you if you betray me..." Keith reaches up, almost blindly since he's still trying to go back to sleep. Then, he lowers Lance's hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to his palm.

Lance feels his heart clench. "Go back to sleep," he says softly. "You don't know what you're saying..."

Keith gives an indignant pout and a tired whine, but closes his eyes as Lance pulls his hand away. "G'night," Keith mumbles. "Love you..."

Lance looks down at the floor. "I love you too," he whispers. But he can't bring himself to look at Keith as he says it. He doesn't deserve Keith - not if he's just going to join the Galra over such a  _stupid_ reason. Losing Keith is an awful thought, but his other self had said that Keith's death was only the final straw. It wasn't the only reason. With this in mind, Lance leaves Keith to his rest and goes to look for his other self.


	4. Chapter 4

Lance storms down the hallways, searching for his other self. He finds him, down in the hangar, staring up at Blue, and he stops in his tracks.

The other Lance turns after a minute, eyes glassy with tears. "I never wanted to leave her behind," he says. His voice is cracking as he talks, now. He's no longer as emotionless as he was before. Lance isn't sure what to think.

Of course he wouldn't stop  _feeling_. He just, apparently, got better at hiding it. The other Lance turns and looks back at Blue. After a minute, Blue kneels down, acknowledging him. He steps closer, but she jerks back and stands straight again, suddenly ignoring his presence. The other Lance freezes, as does the current Lance.

"She won't acknowledge me as her Paladin anymore," the other Lance says after a moment, voice strained. Lance runs through the possibilities. There's no way that's possible, right?

"M-maybe it's because you're from the future," he says weakly. He doesn't want Blue to not acknowledge him. He doesn't want to  _become_ this... This  _thing_. He doesn't want to do the things he has.

He doesn't want any of it.

The other Lance sits down on the ground. "You and I both know that's not why."

"...Yeah," Lance says. He approaches Blue, relieved when she kneels down to acknowledge  _him_ as her Paladin. The other Lance watches in silence.

Eventually, Lance recalls why he searched out his other self. "Why did you really join the Galra? Besides Keith's death, I mean."

"The Galra appreciate me," he murmurs. "It's like I told you before. How many times have you been dismissed or mocked here? How many times have you had your suggestions dismissed when you know that it would be so much simpler?"

Far too many, Lance wants to say. But he doesn't. He stays quiet, knowing that the other Lance knows the answer.

"They dismissed my warnings that it was a trap," the other Lance continues. "I  _heard_ the alien tribe whispering, talking about ambushing Keith, and no one believed me when I tried to warn them. They had Keith come unarmed and..." He chokes on a sob. "And they  _killed_ him. They'd been working for the Galra the whole time and I was the only one who knew, just because they couldn't believe me for two fucking seconds."

Lance listens, a knot forming in his throat. Were his thoughts, his words, truly so insignificant to the others? They wouldn't even listen when he warned them about an ambush?

Neither comments when Blue moves away from Lance. Whether she's sensing a change within, or she's merely sensing that he wants to be alone, they don't comment. They're too scared of what the answer might be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I haven't even finished season 2, let alone started season 3 yet?
> 
> Also, considering having a poly relationship between Pidge, Lance and Keith be endgame specifically so I can have this really intense conversation between future Lance and future Pidge towards the end. Not decided yet though, so don't drop this fic yet!


End file.
